Bad hair day, Every day

I have raised two kids, (both now in college.) I hold down a job and I make a mean lasagne. I can balance my checkbook (most of the time) and drive a stick shift reasonably well. I can even whistle really loudly with two fingers, which impresses my 5 year old neice to no end. Seriously, I was on the Dean's List almost every semester...but I am completely incapable of doing anything with my hair.
I've tried blow-drying and flat-ironing and I've spent enough money on hair products to feed Rhode Island for a month. I still look like Phyllis Diller on a bad day. Nothing works.
Most of the time I'm able to ignore the fact that my hair looks like crap. But then a couple of months ago, I had to have my picture taken for the newspaper column I write. Since I also have a day job, I scheduled the photography session for my lunch hour. Just as I was about to leave, two co-workers appeared in my office armed with hairspray, mousse, and something called a "Chi". (Who knew flat irons had names?)
So I'm not the only one who realizes I am hair styling-impaired. How humiliating is that? My hair looks good in the picture, but I've noticed that when people recognize me in Walmart, they look at me funny. Either they hate my column, or they're wondering what's wrong with my hair.